How great would it be to love someone. Maybe you already do love someone. If you opened yourself up enough to give and receive love, then you have taken vulnerable, yet courageous steps and I applaud you. Nothing is more courageous than putting yourself out there, even if you’re terrified.
Having the tendency to cut people off before one can allow themselves to develop feelings for someone is a weak defense mechanism. Pain in relationships is inevitable, but not if you don’t allow yourself to develop feelings. I’ve even been in the case where I even dated someone and never fully let myself fall for them, so it was a superficial and pretty fake relationship. I cut people off before I allow myself to even know what it’s like to like someone. I would most definitely call myself, safe, guarded, and when it comes to love and relationships… weak.
I have only been heartbroken once in my life from a boy and I have never wanted to feel that way again. What I’m starting to realize is playing the “heartless tease” isn’t exactly working out for me. I can’t expect someone to like this fake version of myself that won’t even take the time to let someone in or let them know I care.
Girls fear that by letting their guard down and being vulnerable that they will be seen as “emotional” and if they try to make plans and spend time with a man too often, than they are seen as “needy”. In what world is a girl who is willing to be open with a man or wants to see them because she enjoys his company “emotional” or “needy”. I put these words in quotations because there is nothing wrong with being called emotional. Emotions are the key to who a person is, if they are compassionate, or if they have experienced pain that has molded them into who they are. Needy is a word that by definition means lacking a necessity in life, deprived, or otherwise poor. A woman or man asking to see the person they care about or wanting to be attentive to each others wants and needs is not “needy”.
A few things I’ve been telling myself lately that might be helpful to you too:
-Stop reverting to the friend zone
-Stop saying that it is weak to fall for someone, It’s bold and brave.
-Start taking risks: ask someone on a date, tell someone you love them, or say yes to the next opportunity/date that presents itself without hesitation
-Start seeing yourself as someone who deserves to be loved by a significant other
Imagine you’re standing in a corner just waiting for Mr. Right, but he never seems to walk by, so you slowly sink further into your corner, maybe even take a seat. It’s easy to get comfortable in the corner, but unless you step out of your corner, or your comfort zone, you’ll never find the person you’re looking for.
My comfort zone is small and I very rarely step out of it or let anyone new into it. Being vulnerable and being open to the idea of someone potentially looking at me differently than before terrifies me. I of course want to find love and want to share my life with someone someday, but first I have to open my eyes and recognize everything I’m doing wrong.